NanoWrimo Entry under Lila Jones

At Any Age


My darling daughter Lila I write this for you.

I began to start this when I first became ill by the time you have finished this story may you truly understand the love I have for you it’s not easy for me to tell you this but I hope you will come to understand when you have finished reading the story just how important and special you are to your grandmother and myself and how great our love is for you. Over the years your grandmother and I have shared our stories in depth with one another and pretty much know each other’s sides of the story so as I write this I’m going to call your grandmother by her real name Evie it’s much easier and important to do this. I will begin by telling you the full story behind how your father and I met and how your grandmother found true happiness and love in her life.

As you have come to know by now your grandma had me at quite a young age she was 21 and by coincidence I was also the same age when you came into my life.

Evie was living with a man named Sam they had been together for two years and they were quite happy or at least she thought. Sam was always nice to me I could talk to him, have a good joke and he would always help me out with anything when needed. When Sam reached the big 40 he started to change. He went through the typical male thing the mid-life crisis all of the sudden he started to make his appearance look younger, purchased the predictable sports car, wanted to go out and get drunk reliving his youth and even got a tattoo. Evie to him had became a drag because she didn’t want to do all of these childish things so, after weighing up the good and the bad of their relationship she realised it was time to break up with Sam she just couldn’t handle everything that was going on in Sam’s life now and couldn’t stand being called a drag all because she didn’t want to get a tattoo or do tequila shots this was not her. Sam to her surprise was actually ok with it saying to her “I really have wanted to break up with you for weeks but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it I’m grateful you did it for me” Evie was furious she said “why didn’t you break up with me then? What not manly enough to let the boring old drag go”. “You know what Sam I can’t be bothered hearing any of your excuses I tried to go along with this mid-life crisis of yours thinking it won’t last that long he will come to his senses seeing how ridiculous he looks and go back to his usual self but no, to my dismay this never happened so if you want to go ahead and try to reclaim your youth, play frat boy then don’t let me stop you”. Sam didn’t know what to say so with two words “fine goodbye” he walked out the door and out of her life. I’m not going to lie to you I was sad to see him go but I dare never tell Evie this. Understandably she was upset and was trying to process what had just happened. I tried to console her but I could tell she needed some time on her own and as I was having some problems of my own in my relationship I decided to go home and deal with it.

I had been dating a man named Jack for a year and our relationship was getting to the stage of either we move in together or we move on. Jack was a nice guy very sweet but very predictable there was never any surprises or fights in our relationship and it had become boring and stagnant and I just couldn’t take it any more I wanted excitement and passion what could I say I was young. So as nice as Jack was I decided to break it off with him. I have to admit he took it quite well he said “I understand Jane and I hope we could still be friends” although there was some sadness clearly visible in his eyes I agreed but, I think we both knew that, that was never going to happen it was just the polite thing to say when you break up with someone. So my breakup was much easier and went more smoothly than Evie’s. We were both single at the same time Evie threw herself into her work at the bakery and I of coarse being young hit the party scene again with my friends having lots of fun and getting up hung over in the morning going to work at the beauty salon with dark glasses and a strong coffee in hand. I decided to take one weekend of partying off and took mum to see your great grandma Sarah and I don’t have to tell you how lively great grandma Sarah is she gave mum a right talking to saying “look at me I’m 60 and I bet you I get around more than you do Evie I probably even see more action than you do too when was the last time you had a date Evie?” mum replied “why” and Sarah said “because I’m 20 years older than you and I have a date tonight and you? You need to get out” The three of us always bickered but in a loving way after Sarah made her point Evie laughed it off and we ended up having quite a fun weekend swapping stories about men over a few bottles of wine. I think mum really appreciated it she seemed to have gotten a little bit of a smile back on her face. When we got back from Sarah’s house I dropped Evie home and told her you should listen to Sarah’s advice get out meet new people it couldn’t hurt. So another week came to an end it was Friday night and Evie looked into the fridge and realised there was nothing in there that even resembled a meal so heading our advice she decided to go out and get dinner on her own now, this was no small feat for Evie infact it was no small feat for anyone having to sit alone watching the bus boy take away the extra table setting never silently always making a loud noise while everyone notices and starts to stare at you thinking how pathetic you are because you’re eating alone, not wanting to look up and know your being watched but Evie braved it after all it was her favourite restaurant Le Cucina unfortunately, the one thing she forgot about was the Maitre d who would always seat Sam and her and loved to have a chat and a laugh with them. After a while he came across and said to her “will Sam be joining you tonight?” And she was forced to tell him they broke up and the last thing she wanted to hear was the maitre d feeling sorry for her but, she politely smiled and thanked him and he said as always “enjoy your meal”. So as predicted the table setting was taken away and the staring started so to avoid them Evie fixated her eyes on the dance floor which was quite full that night the waiter came over and took her order and asked her did she want a drink and she replied “oh god yes” Hopefully the wine would help her get through the night. While she was waiting for her drink she suddenly felt someone’s hands cover her eyes and a voice said “guess who”? She didn’t have the slightest idea then she turned around and to her surprise it was Jack my Ex he said “Hi Evie what are you doing here eating all alone where’s Sam?” She told Jack the story and said she decided it was time for her to move on but how tonight had been embarrassing and to cheer her up Jack told her of his night he said “I was set up on a blind date she was a pretty girl but she kept laughing at everything I said with one of those annoying snorts and kept talking about her collection of matches she picks up from restaurants and bars she goes to I needed to get out of there it was the weirdest date I had ever been on so I got my friend Paul to do the popularly used escape call I couldn’t get out of there fast enough” Evie smiled and said the escape call is the oldest trick in the book I can’t believe she didn’t realise what you were doing even the most pathetic people use the emergency call, Jack said “after that I came here to have a drink” Jack then asked her “may I join you” Evie said why not maybe we will give the starers something to talk about”. Jack was hungry as well so he ordered a meal and they shared a bottle of wine Evie told Jack “I don’t understand why Jane broke up with you you’re a lovely guy” Jack replied “What do you want to date me laughing” Evie accidently spat some of her wine out laughing” Jack said “I don’t think I have ever seen anyone spit out an expensive bottle of wine before I think that was about twenty dollars worth there” Then Jack said what the hell with it do you want another bottle” Evie said “ok” after they had shared a few more glasses Jack asked her did she want a twirl around the dance floor she was hesitant at first only because she always wanted to have a dance when she came to this restaurant but Sam never wanted to but with one last sip of wine she took Jacks hand and said “let's dance”. To Evies surprise Jack was quite a good dancer they were having fun and laughing when the slow music started and Evie got all nervous and depressed seeing all the in love couples on the floor so she made the excuse of the wine going to her head and left the dance floor going back to the table Jack followed her back and sat down and asked her what was wrong, she explained how the slow music made her feel depressed and she had to leave the floor before she became anymore upset. Jack sympathised with her and to cheer her up he said “how about I take you around to the corner cafe for some cake and coffee” Evie agreed and told Jack that would be lovely. Jack was so nice giving her his arm to lean on she was still a little bit affected by the wine so the walk to the cafe with the fresh air made her feel a lot better and she turned to Jack and said “I don’t know about you but all that dancing has made me hungry again” Jack said “I know what you mean I think we worked off our dinner on that dance floor, let’s get in there and order our dessert” Evie ordered a piece of chocolate cake and a cappuccino thinking she needed a big coffee to sober up and Jack ordered some blueberry pie and a coffee as well Evie proceeded to tell Jack how much she had appreciated his company tonight and how he really cheered her up and saved her from total embarrassment. Jack replied saying “it was my pleasure Evie your quite a fun person to be around and I’m glad we ran into each other it certainly made my night a lot more interesting” they finished their dessert and Jack was such a gentleman he had already paid for dinner and insisted on paying for dessert too Evie thanked him but made sure he knew she didn’t expect him to pay then she said “I better get a cab now I think” Jack wouldn’t hear of it he said I’m still parked at the restaurant we can walk back and I will drive you home so they walked back to the restaurant and Evie said “thanks so much I know my house is out of the way for you” Jack replied “I wouldn’t want to send you home in a cab that’s just not who I am” so they arrived in Evie’s driveway and Jack told her again what a good night he had and that maybe we should do it again sometime then he leaned over as if to give Evie a kiss but instead lightly touched her face and said “you have a little bit of chocolate cake on your cheek” Evie went bright red getting so embarrassed thinking he was going to kiss her and her only reaction was to flee so she said “thank you Jack” and ran inside thinking I hope Jack didn’t notice my face oh how humiliating. She peaked through her window after she got inside and saw Jack had a look on his face as if to say what just happened and he drove off. Evie got ready for bed but it took her a while for her blushing face to go back to normal she got into bed and replayed the night over in her head thinking how the both of them had a good time and perhaps were guilty of a little flirting and she couldn’t help but feel excited about spending the night with such a young, handsome, polite man all of the sudden her thoughts went from happy to insecure thinking what if Jack was just feeling sorry me or did he feel the same way about the night as well and if he did do I tell Jane? She remembered she had a lunch date with her best friend Tina the next day so she decided to tell her what happened and ask for some advice. She met up with Tina at their usual place The Tea Garden and when Tina saw her she immediately said to her Evie you look different is that a smile on your face? Evie said “what do you mean?” with a slight grin on her face Tina said “you look happy what is it? you had sex didn’t you? So who’s the guy?” Evie said “no god you can be sick sometimes but I do have something to tell you which I need some advice on” well spit it out Tina said ok then Evie said “last night I went out to Le Cucina on my own Tina cut in saying “you went out on your own god your brave I could never do that it’s so embarrassing when they take away that extra table setting and everyone stares at you like your pathetic because you’re sitting all alone” Evie said “ok thanks for that insightful observation” sarcastically “will you let me get on with my story so, I was sitting all alone when somebody placed their hands on my eyes and said guess who and it was Janes ex Jack he saw I was on my own and offered to join me so I accepted we shared a couple of bottles of wine and danced we had a few good laughs and I even think some harmless flirting then he took me around the corner for dessert and drove me home” Tina butted in saying “then what happened when he dropped you home?” Evie replied “well I thought he was leaning over to kiss me but it turns out I had a bit of cake on my face and he just lightly wiped it off my face I went bright red then he mentioned that we should do this again sometime I didn’t want him to see my face so my reaction was to flee I said thank you goodnight and ran inside what I want to ask you is would it be bad for me to go out with him again? Or do you think he was just being nice to me? And should I mention this to Jane?” Tina replied “wait, wait, wait first of all what did he do or say to make you think he was flirting with you? Evie replied “well when I told him I couldn’t believe Jane broke up with him he said “what do you want date me now” and when we were on the dance floor he told me I was a hot little dancer and what about the cake thing? And he did ask me out again well do you think I should tell Jane or not?” Tina replied “if, and this is a big if in my opinion if he calls again and wants to go out while you’re out with him try to ask in a subtle way does he want a friendship or something more and if any sparks fly then tell Jane who knows you may go out again and have nothing in common no sense in telling her if he just wants to be friends” I like your thinking Evie said they finished their lunch and Evie told Tina she had to run and meet Jane in half an hour and go shopping.

Evie turned up to the salon to take me shopping I noticed she looked a lot happier than she had in a few weeks and I asked her “what have you been doing your looking a lot better today than you have in weeks” Evie replied “thank you I actually ventured out last night on my own to get some dinner it felt very empowering and I realised it’s time to meet new people” I said “good for you mum” and was happy for her. “Now where are we going shopping” Evie said. I told her how I was going out that night and needed a new outfit mum then said to me “Jane please promise me you’re not going to buy any of those miniskirts and short tops you have to leave something to the imagination” to humour mum I chose something more sedate that could be accessorised with something in my wardrobe I said to mum “why don’t you buy something for yourself you never buy any new clothes” and I picked up a top off the rack that highlights ones cleavage as a joke mum wasn’t impressed but I couldn’t help but laugh it was time to go home I had to get ready for the night so mum dropped me home. My friend Erin was coming to pick me up in a cab so we could drink I choose a mini dress killer heels and I straightened my hair for something different we went out to the latest club called ‘The Hot Spot’ and walked past security with a sexy smile and a confident walk and that’s all it took for them to let us in even though there was a line up of people stretching around the corner who had been waiting for ages to be accepted inside. As soon as we walked up to the bar there was already a couple of guys wanting to buy us a drink but, as a rule I always follow at any bar which I hope I taught you well enough to follow is: I would always say thank you but no thank you because it never hurts to be too careful with drinks it only takes a second for someone to spike your drink it is easily done. So we were not even there an hour when Erin had caught herself a guy for the night and clearly couldn’t wait to go home with him she asked would it be alright if she left and claimed she wouldn’t leave if I didn’t want her to so I lied and told her it was fine. I didn’t really want to be left alone but I didn’t want to ruin her night so I said to her “no it’s fine you go I will have a few more drinks and then go home myself” Erin said “thanks Jane I owe you one” so I decided to have a couple more cocktails then head home I happened to look across the dance floor and who did I happen to see but Sam nicely attired in a expensive suit and dancing with a few pretty young girls I remember thinking to myself he hasn’t wasted any time moving on from mum so I walked over to him tapped him on the back and said “boy you moved on quickly” Sam was surprised to see me and said in a very soft guilt ridden voice “hey Jane how are you” I replied “shocked to see you in a place like this isn’t it a bit young in here for you” I said sarcastically Sam pulled me aside and said “you have only heard one side of the story don’t judge me before you have even heard my version of the breakup if you’re willing to listen I know the owner there is a room out the back that’s a lot less noisy I will explain in there” so I said to him “this should be interesting”. So Sam proceeded to tell me his version starting with “you already know when I hit the big 40 I started to change going through what everyone calls a mid-life crisis but at first it scared me like most guys realising that nearly half my life is over and I hadn’t really lived it I started to look at my life differently I had the same job for twenty years haven’t travelled at all and was just going through the motions of life with no prospect of my situation changing yes, I did a few juvenile things but at least it was exciting and gave me a new lease on life I still needed my job at the law firm but cut my days back at work to put less stress on myself I met new friends but unfortunately Evie was not big on change and I shouldn’t have expected her to go along with all the new changes in my life but I was hoping she would try new things as well but that’s not her so for weeks I had been trying to find a way to gently breakup with her but in the end she did it for me I let her yell and scream and say what she needed to in the hope that it would give her the closure she needed then I left.

New Poem

This one is pretty sad but it's about how hard it is to move on and a picture can keep memories alive forever.

Picture Shelf

I'll take your picture off my shelf because reminders of you are too hard to bare

I'll take your picture off my shelf because heartache is always there

I'll take your picture off my shelf because your eyes look at me with a familiar glare

I'll take your picture off my shelf so it seems like i just don't care

I'll take your picture off my shelf to remove the feelings we once shared

I can't find your picture the right space because i realise it's too early to let you go so,

I'll keep your picture by my bed so the memories will never be dead

new poem

i always write such sad poems so here is another one do i have any readers? tell me what you think i don't care if you hate it, comments give me purpose to keep writing.

Happy?

When i was happy my smile would light up my face

When i was happy my memories need not be erased

When i was happy my fears could always be misplaced

When i was happy jealousy was never near

When i was happy life need not be feared

When i was happy love came easy,

but as the years have passed one question still i ask

why my happiness never seemed to last,

Happiness is just a face but loneliness sets in with wisdom and grace

new poem

This one is named for one of my favourite actresses maybe someday somehow it will get to her

MERYL

You grace us with your onscreen presence

You grace us with your extraordinary talent

You grace us with your ageless beauty

You grace us with your youthful voice

You grace us with your infectious laugh

You grace us with your humbleness

you grace us with your versatility

You grace us with your everlasting smile

but most of all,

You grace us with your ability to transport us to another world

with talent so vast it will take a lifetime to surpass.

another poem one for the new year

ANOTHER YEAR

Another year gone, another opportunity missed

Another year gone, more regrets to list

Another year gone, more plans and adventures dismissed

Another year gone, thoughts of old age despair

Another year gone, to quickly but i never acted swiftly

After a few more years gone you come to realise life is to short,

don't take it for granted and go and have some fun.

another poem

this poem is self explanatory

HATE

Hate is fuelled by anger

Hate is brought on by resentment

Hate survives through bitterness

Hate is felt through jealousy

Hate is experiencing great pain

Hate stays in your hardened heart

Hate is a serious word but when you mean it, it never sounds absurd

Hate can consume your heart

But are love and hate really two worlds apart?

bad experience

The following two poems are about a friendship i had which at first was great then when you get to know someone after a while and see the real them when you had, had rose coloured glasses on it's not pretty so poem one I'm happy and I'm sure you can guess how i felt in poem two.

S Pt.1

My friend was always there

My friend always cared

My friend always shared

My friend always helped me

My friend always stood by me

My friend never told me lies

My friend always understood my cries

My friend always made me laugh

My friend always catched me when i would fall

My friend broke down my walls

My friend i could always trust because she did all that without even making a fuss

S Pt.2

My friend started to lie

My friend made me cry

My friend became uncaring

My friend stopped her sharing

My friend started being annoying

My friend started ignoring

My friend showed an ungrateful streak

My friends selfishness came to a peak

My friends using began bruising my heart

What happened that pulled us so far apart?

Do you recall all the memories over the years

but our friendship didn't last it ended in my tears.